Thursday, January 20, 2005

Inaugural Doggerel, With Thanks to George W. Bush and Rudyard Kipling

“Dubya Bush,” in the style of “Gunga Din”

You may talk of your “blue states”
When you eat your gourmet plates
And you sip on wines from California’s valleys.
But when all hell’s broken loose,
And villains try to cook your goose,
You’ll thank God when each “red state” soldier rallies.
Now, post-Cold War and post-Clinton
Our learned class paid scant attention
And assumed that trade would make the whole world love you.
When this wretched myth was dashed
As four hijacked airplanes crashed
We found a finer chief commander in old “Dubya.”

It was “Bush! Bush! Bush!
You spoiled usurper, Bush!
Dynasty! Recount!
Make the cowboy Pres. dismount!
For America is saddled with this Bush!”

The English Dubya spoke
Would easily provoke
An opposition seething as it hated.
The Senator’s son Gore
Whom the Left had backed before
Would never say “misunderestimated.”
The ship of state they feared capsized
And we’d all be Texanized
As George lassoed Yankees with his Bible Belt.
For all the scripture and tax cuts
Must have proven he was nuts,
But the Left needed no proof for what it felt.

It was “Bush! Bush! Bush!
The brainless heir, George Bush!
I’d sooner move to Canada
Or start up my own intifada
Than grant a word of praise to Dubya Bush!”

His appointments were diverse,
But this only made it worse.
Rivals screamed advisers had all true control,
And they strove to make it known
That the force behind the throne
Was someone else, but disagreed about which soul.
Was Bush a John Ashcroft fanatic,
Or like Kissinger, pragmatic?
Henry’s protégés filled the administration:
Cheney, Rice and Powell
Still made progressives howl;
And neocons drew further salivation.

It was “Bush! Bush! Bush!
You right-wing throwback, Bush!
Are you Nixon? Are you Reagan?
Artful Dodger to Rove’s Fagin?
You uncivilized Republican, George Bush!”

I shan’t forget the day
When the false peace went away
And jihadists killed by thousands in one hour.
And as my anti-Bush friends cried
I knew why the victims died:
For years, we’d been a lazy superpower.
We near-forgot the whole Cold War,
With conflicts orphaned by the score,
And First Worlders talked of subsidies and glamour
While old threats had converged
And the new terror had surged
As the rust grew on the sickle and the hammer.

It was “Bush! Bush! Bush!
You insane crusader, Bush!
Is your new war a huge put on?
Shouldn’t we all just Move On?
Can’t we be more European, Dubya Bush?”

And while the left-wing cursed
Our decline had been reversed.
Bush’s White House led America, reborn.
Soon we put the world on notice
That according to our POTUS
Rogue states were very worthy of our scorn.
Bush was not without his flaws,
But he was balanced by our laws
And he knew terror was an act of total war:
That for all the “non-state actors”
And the “background social factors”
Our armed force alone would even up the score.

I voted “Bush! Bush! Bush!”
The Dems gave me a bad primary
Where I could not vote contrary.
But the Bush Doctrine’s visionary:
You’re a better man than Kerry, Dubya Bush!